The speed of changing technology is mind boggling. In the 80’s, my first computer experience included a boot up disc. In the 90’s our girls played with an outdated Apple computer (Yes, I mean Apple.) and we bought our first family computer with 5 gigabytes of memory for Harold’s start up business. In the 2000’s, internet and cell phones became necessities for doing business. Today, I am typing this post on a laptop and some of you will be reading it on your smartphone that is significantly smaller and holds 10 times the memory of my first computer. What an incredible evolution! What an incredible responsibility… Though technology has changed at nearly the speed of light, I believe that it’s difficult for us parents to follow at the same pace. Yes, I own a laptop, I communicate to friends through email (but that’s not my only form of communication), I navigate the web with little difficulty (especially when it comes to shopping =D) and I do text my daughters--but somehow I’m still not as skilled as my girls. I once read an article that explained my lack, suggesting that the language of technology is a primary language for our children. They’ve grown up with it. Most parents have had to learn along the way and some of us are better than others at learning languages. It totally made sense to me and explained why my then 6-year-old knew how to change my desktop and screen saver and I hadn’t a clue and why my 19-year-old had to help me learn how to subscribe to itunes podcasts and import my digital pictures. I’m learning and progressing, mind you, but no matter how much I know about my computer it is certain that one of the girls knows more.
Computers can do some amazing things. In the past month, the girls and I have used our computers to shop for gifts, research fibromyalia and identify blue delphinium, create a powerpoint presentation,email missionary friends in Spain, listen to a podcast from a church in California, Skype a friend in China, listen to music, get directions, design advertising pieces that will be printed in a local woman’s magazine, and of course, type and send this newsletter to hundreds of subscribers.
However, computers are a tool that can be used for good or for evil. There are a lot of sites on the internet that are dangerous to my children’s lives and souls. A few years back, one grieving mother came to me at a homeschool convention asked for prayer for her then 11-year-old who had inadvertently accessed pornography while visiting grandma. (She gave me permission to share her story.) With the click of a mouse, not only can you access pornography, but I’m told you can find out how to build a bomb, how to commit suicide, why the Bible isn’t true, and so many more facts and opinions that fly in the face of our faith. As parents, it is our responsibility to protect our children as they learn to use technology responsibly. Sure, we can choose not to incorporate technology into our lives because it’s too dangerous, but using an oven or stove is dangerous, too. Instead of relegating our cooking to the microwave, we teach our children about safety, supervise them, and give them opportunities to use the oven or stove within safe boundaries. The same process works for the internet.
As parents, it is our responsibility to set boundaries and protect our children as they learn how to use technology so that they will learn to make wise choices when given that opportunity. When our girls were very young, they had very limited access to computer games and no access to internet unless they were watching me or their dad. Toward the end of elementary school, we still used computer games but we also began to incorporate the computer and typing skills into school assignments. They still had no access to internet, email or Facebook. Somewhere around middle school, we began to make use of computers as a research tool. Instead of purchasing some security suite, I used the Windows program to change security
settings that limited their internet sites to only those that I had unlocked with a password. (How to change internet security settings in Windows ) It can be annoying to repeatedly enter your password on certain sites, but the alternative of having my child wander the web alone is just not an option.
When Harold and I agree that a daughter has moral character, is responsible, obedient and is making wise choices more than foolish ones, we consider expanding the boundaries. For instance, she may get an email address if there is a need. (Anna got one last year when she was fourteen so she could communicate about her ministry, Blessing Wells. Abigail still doesn’t have one, but has 5 or 6 penpals that she communicates with by snail mail.) Our computers have a high security filter and are subscribed to Covenant Eyes, which doesn’t block sites but compiles all web usage and sends a bi-weekly report to accountability partners you choose. A daughter must always ask permission to use the family computer. If she needs to do research for school, I may allow her to use my laptop alone while I’m in the room occasionally walking behind her. She and I both know that all of her activity will be logged and the report will be sent to our very good friend and to one of our pastors. When she has proven herself faithful, I may extend her time on the internet—for destinations, not just for wandering. If at any time we see a negative change in character and behavior, the privilege of using the computer is revoked.
What if a child owns their own computer? Two of our daughters have made such an investment when they were about sixteen. They may own their own laptops, but they must still abide by the boundaries we’ve set. I still have permission to hold them accountable to the amount of time they spend on the computer. I know all passwords for their computers. Their computers are subscribed to Covenant Eyes. If they aren’t sure about the name of the website, they don’t enter it in the address line; they Google search it instead. The girls give out their email only to good friends and don’t email or instant message or Skype guys without permission. At any time, Harold and I have the right to read any of their email—not because we’re nosey or distrust our daughters but this would be necessary if we observed them making choices that cause us concern.
Today we continue to protect our family by setting boundaries, using the security suite that comes with our internet provider and by subscribing to Covenant Eyes. My husband also has an app for his phone that reports web usage. We are doing our best to set an example of being responsible and accountable in our use of technology, because you’re never too old to be responsible or accountable. Let this be the year you make a plan, set some boundaries, and choose to guard the hearts and minds of your family.